I Wish I Could Tell You
by ryeden
Summary: Every time they touched - huddled under a wet jacket and shivering - their skin got even colder. And it was so cold that it burnt. Wishshipping, character death.


_Wishshipping; Yugi x Jounouchi._

* * *

Jounouchi wrapped the soft towel around his waist and walked out of the shower cubicle, running his hands through his blonde hair and ruffling it somewhat; smiling softly as small drops of water smashed and broke apart on the tiles. He was pleased; PE had been easy (he being the fit teenager that he was) and his muscles were sore. It wasn't a groaning, hurtful, persistent sort of ache; it was the ache that was gradual and soft; so soft that you hadn't even noticed.

It was the sort of ache Jounouchi was already accustomed to.

He heard a sudden noise, and Yugi's soft and slightly damp hair poked out. Jounouchi tensed immediately. The rest of Yugi's small and fragile stature appeared, and Jounouchi couldn't help but notice how thin he was. You could easily see the lack of fat or even muscle on his body; the way he constantly had to readjust the towel to prevent it from slipping off completely.

Jounouchi was frighteningly still now, and he had to stop himself from looking at his best friend that way. It was wrong; Yugi was his friend. Yugi didn't know that Jounouchi was still clutching onto false hope; that he dared himself to dream of the impossible. He always had been an optimist.

"Hey Jou, are you okay? You've been a little out of it since PE finished."

Jounouchi was aware that Yugi's lips were moving, though he didn't hear what he was saying.

"You know," Yugi continued, though Jounouchi wasn't listening; he was only really remembering the way that- _the towel around Yugi's slim waist was falling, and falling, and it was going to crash and burn, until_-

A momentary slip up.

Yugi and Jounouchi were both silent then; Yugi was clutching the towel with trembling fingers, determined to not reveal himself. And he was watching like some sort of sick, disgusting animal, hoping it would fall. Trying to imagine the way Yugi would feel under his touch; how they would give in once that towel pooled around his bony ankles.

Yugi was too determined to keep himself shut, to deny himself, to coat things over and pretend it was better left unexplored.

A silence.

He began talking; to try and interject some normality into their situation.

"You shouldn't push yourself so hard. It's only-"

Jounouchi didn't listen, he was too busy feeling guilty for the anticipation he had felt. He had wanted the towel to fall; for Yugi to be open.

But he was too busy being concerned over Jounouchi to worry about himself.

"I like to know my limitations, Yug. You know that." He explained. He didn't say it directly, but both understood the message that was underneath it. _'I like the pain; it's familiar to me. They're like scars; coating over the old ones, until the pain and the marks are so overbearing that I shut down completely.'_

They didn't talk for the rest of the day.

As Jounouchi attempted to complete some of the ridiculously difficult homework he had been given, his mind kept on replaying the expression of absolute shock and horror that had quickly crossed over Yugi's face as the towel slipped out of his small fingers.

Jounouchi couldn't focus; there was no way he could do work now. He sighed heavily and put his head on his arms on the desk, and he didn't sleep for a second.

* * *

_"Yugi, watch out!" Jounouchi yelled in absolute panic, watching as a car swerved dangerously close to his best friend. He just acted on impulse, and in his haste he grabbed his friend's arm in a grip that would surely cause bruises, and threw him to the ground._

_Jounouchi lost his balance and landed on top of Yugi, their chests pressed against each other and limbs became tangled. There was screaming, panic, and the entire street smelled of fear. They didn't notice, however. They heard sirens, and echoes of voiced concern. They didn't pay them any attention. They were completely absorbed in this new sensation; of this intimacy they had discovered on a street full of accidents and faceless strangers. And yet, they had witnessed a miracle._

_Neither of them breathed, for fear of shattering this moment that had occurred. Their skin was touching; their eyes were for only each other._

_Hands tried to pull them apart, whereas their own only tried to bring each other closer._

* * *

_"Hey Jounouchi, wait for me!" A flustered Yugi yelled; his lungs on fire and breath hurried._

_"No way, you're too slow Yug!" Jounouchi replied, laughing as he skirted around trees in Domino City's park, without a care in the world. "C'mon, you'll have to do better than that to catch me!" He exclaimed proudly, watching as Yugi's pace slowed and slowed, until he eventually stood perfectly still in the shade of the trees._

_"I can't be the one chasing you all the time, Jounouchi," he dragged out, breathing heavily. Jounouchi avoided his eyes. "I'll just give up if it continues like this. You're going to have to run towards me eventually," Yugi continued, his breathing becoming less frantic; his expression more controlled and composed. "Granted you don't grow tired of chasing after me."_

_He added the last part subconsciously, and Jounouchi looked up in shock. As hazel eyes met purple ones, there was a pause. A sudden breeze drifted by, and Yugi shivered in his only singlet._

_Jounouchi was wearing a jacket, and so he quickly took it off and walked over to a chilled Yugi, putting it around his shoulders and holding his breath as his fingertips brushed the underside of Yugi's wild hair. A movement like that shouldn't have scared Jounouchi, it was just an unintentional brush of his hair; there was nothing sexual about it._

_So why had that small amount of physical contact chilled him to the bones more sufficiently than the wind?_

_The breeze began to die down, and the sky was quickly becoming darker. They had completely lost track of all events involving the flow of time, and Jounouchi opened his mouth to speak._

_The rain began falling._

_It was a soft - almost hesitant - drizzle at first. There was no force, and it only existed to tickle the tip of Jounouchi's nose and flutter onto Yugi's eyelashes. But then it fell harder and less accurately; smashing on the grass and creating noise as many of them broke in quick succession._

_Already, Jounouchi's shirt was clinging to his torso, and his jacket (that now sat on Yugi's slight shoulders; heavy and burdening with only good intentions) was damp. The Kame Shop was a couple of blocks away, and he didn't want to run for it; not with Yugi with him. Jounouchi looked around thanks to the streetlights, and wordlessly, he took Yugi's frighteningly cold hand and led him to a park bench. Jounouchi forced him to sit down, and for a moment, it almost looked like Yugi was reveling in the cold; like he was basking in the pain as you would with the sunshine._

_Jounouchi sat down beside him, picked up the drenched jacket and tried to wrap it around his shoulders as well._

_It was silent._

_There was only the touch of their freezing palms and the slight brushing of a sleeve against bare skin that allowed them to know that the other existed. There was no breathing; both held until they felt their lungs would collapse._

_And eventually, Yugi reached out, and fully clasped Jounouchi's hand in his own. He felt the calloused skin; the way Jounouchi's entire body stiffened and tensed when Yugi's fingertips brushed his knuckles too softly, like an elusive, hesitant lover approaching the other for the first time. Jounouchi gave him no approval, but nor did he give him any signs of discomfort. There was only a silent sort of uncertainty, clouding over the both of them until they would wait for assurance to even lock eyes._

_The entire park was wet and dark, though it didn't matter._

_Every time they touched - huddled under a wet jacket and shivering - their skin got even colder._

_And it was so cold that it burnt._

* * *

_Anzu had been the first to notice the tension that formed when Jounouchi and Yugi were around together, alone or within a crowd. It didn't matter to them, so long as the illusion of privacy remained. She had suspicions, such as Jounouchi cheating in a game against Yugi, or perhaps both of them doting on the same girl. _She tried to convince herself that it was something easily remedied.

She knew that was far from the truth.

On her way back to her new home, Anzu purchased a bouquet of bellflowers for one of her closest friends.

She had only the best of intentions.

* * *

_"Hey guys!" Anzu greeted loudly with a wave, seeing the two awkward-looking boys almost immediately. They looked up with a start at the sound of her cheery voice, and the two of them became more positive instantly._

_They made their way to a table by the shop with plastic chairs and a nice view. Children's laughs could be heard, and it was as if you could feel the disapproval emanating from the bored parents as the children giggled at crabs and other creatures. The sun was shining, and though laughter and other happy noises could be heard, the three at the table were quiet and serious._

_Anzu inhaled. She didn't want to do this, but it looked like they wouldn't be able to solve this out themselves. "So I noticed that the two of you have been rather distant lately," Anzu began, dying a little inside as their expressions changed to ones of alarm._

_"I don't want to know the details if it's that important to both of you," she said quickly. "But all I'm asking is that you sort yourselves out. It's like a huge gap just opened between the two of you…"_

_Jounouchi opened his mouth to speak, but a glare from Anzu stopped him._

_"Jou-"_

"Jounouchi." A more mature Anzu said with confidence. "Are you sure you can do this?"

A gulp, a way to reassure himself that this wasn't just a nightmare as pain was felt in his dry throat.

"Yeah," he lied. "I'll be okay; worry about yourself." He said a little too quickly, frowning at his trembling fingers as they failed to hold the fabric. Anzu sighed and picked up the tie, only to realize it was a clip-on. Just like Jounouchi, to be unable to tie it. Yugi would've laughed and offered to teach him.

She felt a pang in her chest, and looked Jounouchi over, like a mother inspecting her teenage son as he went to the prom.

The suit fit.

It had been a while since he'd had to use it.

* * *

_Jounouchi paused, before lifting up his scarred palm and knocking on the door to the Kame Shop. He hoped that Sugoroku was asleep at this time; the streetlights were on, and illuminated the roads and bypassing strangers in a new light. Just as Jounouchi contemplated leaving and coming back in the morning, the door opened._

_Yugi looked up into the eyes of Jounouchi; watching him in the new light on a dirtied street corner, seeing him broken and bloodied._

_Jounouchi just looked down in shame._

_'This is my life,' he screamed in his mind._

_'This is who I am; this is who you're trying so hard to accept.'_

_There wasn't even a word shared between them. Yugi knew. Silently and hesitantly, Jounouchi walked into the comfort of a home he wanted so desperately, but couldn't have for himself._

_And then a new home opened him; welcomed with open arms._

_The door shut; they were alone._

_And yet all they did was share a tender embrace, their bodies shaking as they clutched onto each other with a newfound desperation._

* * *

Anzu held a manicured hand with Jounouchi; she offered him the comfort he was too afraid to accept after what had happened last time.

And yet his hand clutched around hers in salvation.

They walked into the church; ignored the penetrative glares of people who thought they knew better.

Men in suits were quiet and strong; women in black dresses adjusted their laced caps. It was a rather delicate and beautiful symbol for something so gruesome and macabre; so sudden and unexpected.

Yugi wouldn't have believed how many people came.

Anzu clutched the bellflowers; she willed herself to be strong; for Yugi, for Jounouchi.

Tears ran down Jounouchi's cheeks, and he knew he would believe.

All for him.

* * *

_"Hey come on Jou, don't cheat!" Yugi said in frustration as his small fingers gracefully twirled the analog stick on the controller._

_"Life isn't fair, Yug," Jounouchi muttered absent-mindedly in response as his character destroyed Yugi's one again and again, growing more reckless and less careful each time. And although Yugi had an opportunity for his character to run away, he didn't. He ran towards Jounouchi's pixelated form, knowing he would get hurt._

_The human mind was too confusing. The emotions were too easily to manipulate; the self-destruction they often resorted to; clichéd._

_And yet their pretense of a normal friendship was so fake, so artificial; just as real as the smiles people coated on their faces as they began their descent into hell; watching with wide eyes as the abyss opened._

_It was so cruel, to pretend that games and laughs were all that consisted in their relationship._

* * *

Distantly, Jounouchi heard a sobbing woman.

He clenched his jaw; tried to imagine he had unforgiving strength in his eyes.

Then he could only imagine Yugi beside him, ethereal and glowing, telling him that it was okay. That he'd be fine, that this was all a nightmare and that Jounouchi didn't have to pretend to be so strong for him.

And he'd smile.

He'd give him such a selfless, bright and blinding smile that tears would come to his eyes.

And as they hugged, Jounouchi would try to squeeze Yugi into him, to brand him on his soul and to let the world know that Yugi was his; and that he was Yugi's.

Jounouchi let the tears fall freely, and walked up to the open casket.

"We'll always be thinking of you, Yugi," Anzu whispered beside him.

He took the flowers.

And he laid them across Yugi's still, unbeating chest; wiping the tears that had splashed onto his pale cheek.

"I'll see you soon, buddy," Jounouchi said to the empty air; letting Yugi's many smiles brighten up his day, to remember them with such clarity that would betray how many times he couldn't stop staring.

There was a note attached to the stems, and it said;

_I **wish** I could tell you how much you mean to me. _


End file.
